Years ago I had an epiphany. The most profound truths come in paradoxes. You believe one thing is true, and then a life experience shows you how the opposite can also be true. The process of reconciling those apparently opposing views can bring you to a deeper knowing. Maybe that’s why Zen monks are so fond of their koans. Honestly, they tend to confound me.
I’ve been wrestling to understand how energy exchanges happen between people. And more importantly, how to clear the energy cords that can form and contribute to illness. Over the last twenty years of working with dozens of intuitive and empathic clients, I have come to understand that it’s unhealthy to give away our own life force energy in an attempt to ensure another person’s well being. It just doesn’t work. Not with our children. Not with our parents. Not with our partners. Each of us is equipped with a fierce desire to do our lives our own way, exercising our free will. When another person steps in by offering up their energy in exchange for us doing things their way, we rebel. It doesn’t matter whether that offer is well-meaning and couched in love. It is still interference and creates an unhappy co-dependence.
I’ve also learned that each of us is a powerful soul with access to an unlimited source of energy, when we learn to tap into it. The best way we can help others is by being strong in our own power and believing with absolute conviction that the other person will find his/her own way. This model doesn’t mean we are selfish and uncaring. It’s really the opposite. We offer our help in an unconditional way, without entangling our energies or creating expectations about the outcome.
Makes sense, right?
I know from my own experience how freeing it can be to release energy cords. Difficult, but liberating. I’ve taught clients how to cut their cords to friends, family, co-workers, and witnessed how they became lighter in spirit and regained vitality. (You can check out my posts What are Energetic Cords? and Cutting Energetic Cords to learn more.) I’ve repeated the mantra “I am not responsible for this person’s health and happiness” over and over.
And yet…
I can’t seem to stop entangling my energy with others. My husband recently came off an extremely intensive three months of work-related stress. I cleared and cleared my energy, repeating over and over “I am not responsible for his health and happiness.” But, I still felt anxious, drained and overly involved in his work. There is something inherent within all of us, I believe, that wants to ease a loved one’s suffering.
Towards the end of this intense time, I found myself repeating a different mantra that comes from the practice of Ho’oponopono:
I love you
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
Ho’oponopono is also called the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer. I first learned about it from a book by Joe Vitale and Ihaleakala Hew Len called “Zero Limits”. It comes with an unbelievable story about how Dr. Len cured an entire ward of criminally insane patients, without ever meeting any of them or spending a moment in the same room. Are you ready for the paradox? Ho’oponopono begins with the premise that “I am responsible for everyone’s health and happiness.” This spiritual practice tells us that we are the creators of our world; there is no “out there.” Everything takes place in our own mind. So when we encounter pain, suffering, tragedy, it becomes our full responsibility.
Dr. Len explained in the book that when a client comes to a massage therapist with back pain, the question really becomes “What does this person’s back pain reveal about myself that is in need of love and healing?” That example hit home. So when I say “I love you”, I am loving that part of myself that is being brought to the light by the person or situation in front of me. When I say “I’m sorry” I’m feeling remorse for having somehow created the situation that resulted in pain and suffering. I ask forgiveness from a higher power, and then give thanks to that same power, in all its many forms.
This is rather challenging to wrap your head around. But, I practiced. On my husband and his stressful work situation. On each and every client. The more I practiced, the lighter I began to feel.
Image by Dimitri Wittmann from Pixabay
Last week, I had four clients in a row come to me with the intention of opening and healing their heart. As I practiced Ho’oponopono, it became crystal clear to me that it was my own heart in need of healing. I felt called to share a powerful guided imagery with these clients, designed to heal trauma. The Healing Trauma Meditation created by Belleruth Naparstak leads you through the landscape of your heart, beginning with the sometimes desolate top layer and moving into the loving, powerful core of our being that is our home and source of strength and renewal.
As I took this journey four times in two days with my clients, I felt the energy paradox begin to resolve itself. I still can’t exactly wrap my head around what is truth, but my heart is able to encompass both truths. When I perceive people as being separate from myself, I can’t be responsible for their well-being. When I see them as an extension of myself, I must take full responsibility.
Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay
“The purpose of life is to be restored back to Love, moment to moment. To fulfill this purpose, the individual must acknowledge that he is 100 percent responsible for creating his life the way it is. He must come to see that it is his thoughts that create his life the way it is moment to moment.The problems are not people, places, and situations but rather the thoughts of them. He must come to appreciate that there is no such thing as “out there.”