I was dreaming and dreaming last night. Apparently, when I dream, I snore. Or so my husband informed me this morning. I jotted down my dream because it felt important:

“It was dusk and a bus pulled up. I went to get on the bus and a chubby teenage boy pushed past me to get on the bus first. I was annoyed, thinking how rude. I boarded the bus and looked around to find a seat. I ended up taking the seat behind the bus driver. I realized then that this bus was taking me to a funeral. I wondered whose funeral I was attending? I wondered if it was for my Aunt Gwen, who had passed away right after Christmas. But, it didn’t feel like it was for her. I didn’t feel particularly sad or emotional. I was going out of duty.”

— Catching a Bus, Paula's dream 4/9/2020

I’m in a dream group that meets regularly. We used to meet in person; with the quarantine in place, we now Zoom. We read our dreams and help each other glean deeper meaning from them. Catching a bus and attending a funeral are definitely nuggets to mine, and I’m counting on my group to help me do that. What caught my attention and prompted me to write this post, was the presence of the rude, teenage boy.

I’ve learned that in dreams, all of the characters are aspects of ourselves. As a mature woman, I wondered whether the adolescent male was symbolic of my own underdeveloped masculine side? This dream reminded me of one I had a month ago in which I was in my early 20’s and getting ready for my wedding. The groom was nowhere to be found. The groom’s father appeared and I remember feeling relieved. Then, he leaned against a glass wall that shattered. The groom’s father fell through the glass and into the ocean, and was swept away. If both male characters in that dream symbolize aspects of myself, then my male side seems to have gone missing!

Carl Jung says “the dream is the small hidden door in the deepest and most intimate sanctum of the soul.” I feel that my inner sanctum is calling me to learn more about what it means to have a healthy and balanced masculine aspect. As human beings, regardless of gender, we are composed of both yin and yang, feminine and masculine energies. Ideally, we want to draw upon the strengths of both to live an authentic and empowered life.

So what can our masculine aspect do for us, when it’s healthy, strong, and whole? I found this question in the post Healing Your Inner Divine Masculine by Sara Avant Stover. How would you answer it? I like Stover’s definition quite a lot, especially the idea of having an agent of Truth on my side.

“The Divine Masculine provides, protects, serves, and is an agent of Truth. He communicates clearly, sets boundaries (not barriers), and exerts the will that’s rooted in the Soul’s deepest desires. He does not force, push, manipulate, or control. He’s in touch with his heart, without collapsing into his feelings or the agendas of others. He must penetrate the world with his truth, and will never turn away from it.”

— Healing Your Divine Masculine from the Way of the Happy Woman

In last night’s dream, my male figure was a teenage bully. I don’t think that I act that way very often, but I can hear him in my thoughts, ordering me around. An immature or unbalanced masculine can be a relentless critic, He can also be self-centered, competitive, aggressive, controlling, and greedy. I can find those qualities inside of myself. I can also see how they play out in the national media nearly every day.

So, how do I make friends with my own inner masculine and nurture his growth, so he can serve and protect in truth? I don’t really know. I just know that my dreams have been calling me to do just that. We are living in a time where there is a strong rise of the divine feminine aspect. Yay! I absolutely love seeing so many women claim their power and autonomy - and being free to do that myself. At the same time, it’s imperative we also honor and heal our masculine side, for we are both.

In last week’s post, I described how I’m doing more yoga and Qigong during this time of quarantine. I find that I am always happy when doing the warrior poses in my yoga flows. Qigong is also an ancient practice that embodies both feminine and masculine qualities of yin and yang. So, maybe I’m already in progress. Maybe acknowledging my dream and sharing it with you is part of the healing process. Maybe I’ll look for more martial arts routines that I can add to my weekly practice.